Make You Feel
by eien yurai
Summary: 2x1 yaoi. Rather angsty, based on a dream I had. *chapter 3 is up*
1. Pain and Revalations

Wow. First ever yaoi fic. Always wanted to do one though. This is 2x1 only because I don't think Heero could ever make the first move.   
Random bishounen that lives in my room: Weren't you a 1xR fan last summer?   
Me: Un, er, yeah, but I like all pairings in Gundam Wing. Though I think I'm the only fan that's like that.   
  
  
  
Make You Feel  
------------------  
  
  
"Heero. I'm sorry I've been bothering you for so long. Rather childish of me, isn't it? Don't worry, this is the last time."   
  
I watched as Relena finally said her good byes to Heero. Finally. I didn't think the girl was so damn stubborn. Relena had come to visit our apartment weekly for the past year and a half, fixing dinner sometimes or just being there doing nothing. Heero had shown neither compassion, sympathy, or even hatred of her. Just total indifference. And still Relena came over, diligently, no matter how badly Heero treated her. Stupid little girl. Should've given up on him long ago. Not that Heero acted any better towards me.   
  
"But I do need to say this to your face, even if you don't want to listen. So please just shut up."   
  
All right, I'll admit, she'd grown on me. I'd originally thought her some stupid idealistic child with a scary obsession with Heero. Granted, she still was, but I'd come to admire her ideals and naivetee, and had come to think of her as a friend. When had that happened? I know, when I had gotten so sick and annoyed of Heero being indifferent to the BOTH of us. Heero wouldn't talk, but she would.   
  
"I don't know if I ever really loved you. I think I was in love with the idea of you. The you that you could've been if you'd ever left your shell. But you didn't, and you won't let me in. I'm tired off placing my affections on someone who kills all his own feelings."   
  
Heero had folded within himself after the War. Nothing could change that. Not even me. Living with him was like living with a mechanical doll that went through all the movements of a person and yet never really was. I tried. I really did. But eventually I just gave the hell up. All my cheer and love were just poured into him and I didn't get any back. Real relationships don't work like that. And now I just lived with him.   
  
"After all this, I think I can do without you. Everything. But still, I'm glad I met you. Thanks. I'm leaving now. Good bye." She slipped her pink jacket over the blouse and flipped her long brown hair up. Beautiful. Moving towards the door, she stopped and made her way over to me, hiding in the shadows in the corner.   
  
Relena gave me a warm hug, which I returned. "We should get together sometime. Goodbye. And good luck, Duo."   
  
"Thank you," I said. And with that, she kissed me on the cheek and walked out the door, never to enter our three-room apartment ever again.   
  
Heero hadn't said anything, just sat on the puck-brown sofa, staring at the chair she vacated. He returned to his laptop, doing it was whatever he did to make a living.   
  
I wanted to really hurt him. Not just punch him, but to strangle, tie him up, and beat the living crap out of him. Couldn't he react to anything? If not me, then maybe even her? But instead of yelling those things out to him, I said nothing and went to my room.   
  
How had I gotten to be here, with him? Why had Hilde...? But I knew that. Hilde had left me because she wanted to travel, be independent, and get caught up in the whirlwind of adventures she always found. I was tired of adventures. A home, a steady job, maybe even a family, was what I craved. So we accepted each other's different desires, made love one last time, and split up.   
  
I had nowhere else to go. Heero had an extra room. You do the math. His coldness hadn't bothered me at first, I was sure I could change him. Maybe even make him capable of laughing at my jokes. But no. And that had been a year and a half ago.   
  
@----%----------------  
  
The day after she left, I didn't speak to Heero. At all. Not even to pass the sugar. I didn't the day after that, either. And not the day after that, the day after that, the day after that. Give me a break, you would've given up too.   
  
I had lunch sometime later with Relena. And she looked great, really. Better than before. She had the glow of someone in love. That, or the glowing that surrounds people free of other people, people who have tied them down.   
  
"Duo, you've changed. A lot." Relena's voice was soft, gentle.   
  
"Yeah," I said, pulling myself out of my reverie. "Wonder when that happened?"   
  
"You don't even tell me jokes anymore."   
  
"Have you heard the one where this guy walks into a bar-"  
  
"Duo."   
  
"Sorry."   
  
"Are you happy?"   
  
Not even a pause. "No."   
  
"Maybe you should think of moving out."   
  
That was it. Just that. Her telling me point blank what I should have done a long time ago. Leave.   
  
Well, duh.   
  
So I marched back up to out apartment, found him not in the main room, and marched right into his room.   
  
And this is a big thing. His room. I'm not allowed in it. He wasn't in it either, right then. But I did notice something rather odd about the room, although it didn't register at the time. There was an art eisel in the corner, and paintings all over the bed.   
  
But like I was saying, he wasn't there. He was in the bathroom. And you need to know that my mind was only set on finding him and telling him I was leaving, nothing else. He was in the shower, and I need to tell him.   
  
So I yanked open the shower door.   
  
He was naked. Well, obviously, but a naked Heero is not like clothed Heero or even naked girls, or guys. He was a glistening naked Heero.   
  
His skin had always been pale, but I didn't really draw attention to it until then. Heero was very white. Heero also had chiseled abs, smooth muscles and skin. No chest hair adourned the wide expanse that was his chest. The messy brown hair that always was in his eyes was soaked, and sticking to his neck. His mouth was slightly open, showing just a little pink tongue. Blue eyes pierced me, not in anger or suprise. Just staring at me. No emotion graced his beautiful shining face. He didn't feel anything, not even when his roommate (and that's what I was, not his friend) had just broke into his shower.   
  
The stirring in my pants finally told me what I should've known a long time ago.   
  
I wanted him. Really wanted him. Not in the same way I wanted Hilde, well, maybe, a little, but different.   
  
And I couldn't face it, not then. So without a word, I shut the shower door and ran into my bedroom. I lay there for a while, trying very hard not to think about Heero's naked body. But it was there, right behind my eyes, in my brain, burned deeply into my mind.   
  
So I did the inevitable. I reached into the drawer next to my bed, grabbed the lube, and jerked off until dawn. I don't know how many times. More than I've ever done. I was extremely soar in the morning. But I do know what I thought about. Me running my hands down Heero's sleek, firm body, down between his legs. My cock in his mouth. Me inside him. Me fucking him until he screamed my name over and over.   
  
By dawn I was so exhausted I could only lie there, feeling sorry for myself. I was hopelessly, in lust, infatuated with, and in love with my roommate, Heero. 


	2. Wakings and Unconscienceness

hehehehe... Yes, this fic is weird, isn't it? I really enjoy writing it though. Don't worry, Relena isn't going to get paired with anybody, she just serves as a friend and a dose of common sense to over angsty young bishounen. Actually, we haven't reached the part of my dream yet, I think I'll get into it in this chapter, but I don't want to hurry it. I want to work up to it so it's makes sense.   
Random Bishounen That Lives in my Room: What? So you can justify your weird perverted dreams?   
Me: *smacks bishounen* Just shut up pretty boy.   
  
  
  
Make You Feel  
------------------  
  
  
Oh. Ow. Owwwwwwww!!!!  
  
Simply sitting up in bed hurt. My head was swimming, my lower body aching, and my mouth was dry. The sheets on my bed were a mess, most of the quilt fallen on the floor. One piece of my lamp was still on the bed stand, but the other was lying on the wooden floor. How did that happen? On second thought, I didn't want to know. My hair had come undone in the night, spilling over my shoulders, a blanket of milk chocolate.   
  
Kitchen noises, the usual clinking and running water, issued from beyond my door. Heero was already up? Figures, fucking robo. Everyday, six A.M. What time was it? Christ, where the hell was my clock? At least it was Saturday. No work for little ol' me. Yippie.   
  
Question, do I want to see Heero? Sure, I could hide it in here until he left, but I would still have to face him when he got back. Plus, the painkillers were in the kitchen cabinet. Need those. Badly. I leaned back in bed and stared up at the ceiling. What happened to my brilliant idea of moving out? Hadn't thought about it since seeing Heero in the shower- NO! Don't go there. We'll get there later. Much later. All right. Can't stay in here all day. The real world awaits, as does Heero. Out side my door. Making breakfast. Was that my stomach gurgling? No couldn't be. Gotta get out of here. Why aren't I moving? Why does this have to be so hard? What am I going to do about Heero?   
  
What AM I going to do about Heero? Why am I attracted to Heero? How the hell does he feel about me? Lots of questions. Too many. Far too many to deal with now. I'll just go and be my normal perky self. I haven't done that in a long time. Funny, I feel up to it now. Yeah. I can do that.   
  
So I get up, stretch, and leave my shitty little room.   
  
In the main room, Heero's already setting breakfast on the little coffee table. That's pretty much all of the main room. There's this low coffee table in the middle, surrounded by a sofa and two chairs. In front of it is the TV, currently without cable. The door left of mine leads to Heero's room. We both have out separate bathrooms, mine black tiled and his white. There's a little cavity of a room for the kitchen, only one person can fit into it at a time. The floors are all fibrated wood (meaning well done fake) and the walls and ceilings are white. Pretty sparse. Really sparse and somewhat pathetic. It's cheap, though.   
  
Heero had fixed scrambled eggs and toast, along with a glass of orange juice. None for me, I noticed. I used to make Heero breakfast, but I gave up on that when I realized he just didn't care. And he never made me anything, EVER. Guess I'll go into the kitchen and fix cereal, along with Advil.   
  
It was really hard to look at Heero. Granted, it had been bad before, but today was awful. I kept imagining the blue jeans and white shirt away leaving him in only boxers, and peeling them off with my teeth... shit. I spilled the milk and my face turned bright red. It's too early in the morning for this. Judging by his non-reaction to me, he didn't seem to care about my... interruption of his shower yesterday. Good. I'll forget it too. Really.   
  
Having downed the Advil and gathered my cereal ingredients together, I moseyed on over the coffee table. Heero didn't look up. I sat down.   
  
"Morning, Heero."   
  
"Hn."   
  
Right. Typical response. I began to munch on my cereal, lucky charms to melt the taste buds off your tongue with pure sweetness, and looked at Heero. His hair, forever unruly, hid his eyes. I always wondered how he could see a thing, let alone manage to work a gundam. He mouth worked monotonously, like pre-programmed. Same way he ate his food. Scoop the eggs on the toast, take bite of said toast, chew, swallow, repeat. The white shirt was way too tight on him. I could see every design of his chest, the way the fabric stretched over his pectorals. Even his abs were prominent. The pants were the same, like he was poured into them. Did he ever go shopping? The contours of his calf muscles, the bulge between his legs. I saw the way his jaws worked the food, the movement of his Adam's apple, up and down, up and down. Heero had a little bit of fuzz on his upper lip, the kind of downy fur that women have. I could smell him. A gentle scent, almost like the kind that kittens have. A kind of musky scent that makes you relax. Where his neck met his shoulders, that gentle curve. With all my various lovers, that spot on their body is my favorite. I love to rest my head there, lean against them, their skin warm and comforting. My lips almost touching their neck. That kind of affection with Heero would be priceless. Bliss.   
  
And he got up, put his plate in the sink, and left.   
  
I stared at my empty cereal bowl. Green plastic. Cheap green plastic.   
  
I leaned against the back of chair, and once again, found myself staring up at the ceiling. A crack in the plaster. I closed my eyes, pretending I'm somewhere else. Anywhere but here. Back in my gundam. Back on the battlefield. Just the hell away from here.   
  
Sometimes it was easier during the War. There was always something to do. Someone that needed saving, something that no one else to do. No real thoughts of the future. Just make the now work out. Live until the end of fight. Don't think past it. Don't think until the next battle, or the one after that, or the one after that. Such a tiring all consuming thought. Don't go there.   
  
And for a second, it seemed I could see my life. Stretching before me like and endless road, going nowhere. I had no one. Hilde was gone. Heero was beyond me. I thought of the other gundam pilots. Trowa? Maybe at the circus? I knew he and Quatre still kept in contact. Wufei? Sally Po only knows. Zechs had gone to Mars with Noin, never to return. Determined to make a new life in red sand. Whatever worked for them.   
  
A part of me missed the War. At least we kept in contact then. Not like now. Sure, it was awful, really awful, but there had been good times too. Times I really missed.   
  
I let memories flow over me like water. Blood. Gore. Pain. Flying. Space. Moon. Honor. Loyalty. Friends. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero. Heero.   
  
@---%---------------------  
  
Dorm room. Night. Can't sleep. Sometime in the beginning of the war. Sharing room with the strange pilot of the Wing Zero. Weird, cold guy. Seriously needs to get laid.   
  
Tossing. Turning. Sleep DAMNIT! Big day tomorrow. More fighting. Of course. What else. But need to be ready. More death to dish out.   
  
I'm not the only one not asleep in the room. The bed on the far side's occupant can't sleep either. Heero's shifting in bed. It becomes more erratic and more desperate. Soon he begins to moan. Nothing understandable. Then the moaning becomes louder, more pronounced, then becomes yelling. Screaming.   
  
I'm scared. What's wrong? Is he okay?   
  
"Stop! No! Go away! Leave me alone! Please! Just stop! PLEASE!"   
  
"HEERO! It's okay. I'm here. It's okay." I'm over his bed. Shaking him. Please stop yelling. It scares me.   
  
He looks at me. Eyes wild. Frightened. "Duo?"   
  
"Yeah. It's me. Are you okay?"   
  
Heero suddenly grabs me and pulls me close, onto the bed. He's shivering, quaking. Incredibly warm.   
  
He pressed me close, so tightly it hurts. I grit my teeth, wrap my arms around him. Heero buries is face against my hair. The rasping breathing slows down to simply panting. He's only wearing a tank top and boxers, and me only boxers. His body feels like iron, slick with sweat. The beating of his heart sounds loud in my ears. I can smell him. A soft smell. His hot breath against my ear. The heat emanates from his body, flowing into me. So hot.   
  
The breathing slows down even more, until I decide he must be asleep. I'm still concerned. I'll stay like this a while longer.   
  
@---%----------------------------  
  
Funny. I'd almost totally forgotten about that. I still don't know what the hell that was about. Heero didn't even seem to remember it. That, or he refused to admit to it. I never really learned about his past. Never told me, no matter how much I pestered him. And that was a lot. I think I annoyed the hell out of him. Heero never opened up. Not once. Even when I got him drunk. You know, I always thought I'd be able to break his shell, but I guess not. Some things are just beyond you. Me.   
  
I need a beer.   
  
@---%----------------------------  
  
The feeling of being drunk is unique. Rather like missing out on sleep for a long time, until it comes to the point where you wonder if you're dreaming or awake. And you can't tell which one. Is this happening? Is this real? And just in case it isn't real, you'll do things you wouldn't do in reality. Bad things. Things you shouldn't do.   
  
My mind feels deliciously fuzzy, my vision feels pleasantly blurred, my body numbed. I've been like this for quite a while. How many beers have I downed? Let's see... I could probably count if the bottles would stop dancing. Well, another couldn't hurt.   
  
The bitterness coated my mouth, mixing with my saliva, diluting it into something almost sweet. The bubbles dissipated into my mouth. Where, I wonder. Into my head? Maybe that would explain why it feels like it's floating, just above my neck. I wonder about lots of things. Heero Heero Heero Heero. Mostly about Heero. I miss him. When is he coming back?   
  
And the door opened. "Ah! Just when I wanted to see you!"   
  
Heero's face bore the expression of surprise. "Wonderful! A reaction! FINALLY. Sit down and have a beer."   
  
His mouth shut, but his blue eyes widened. Still in the same outfit, blue jeans and white T-shirt. "Geez, you look like a friggin' hick."   
  
"Duo, are you drunk?" That wonderfully deep seductive voice. Deep and soft. Like a fluffy blanket.   
  
"That's gotta be the most outta you I've heard in a single month."   
  
"You are drunk."   
  
"Yes. By far. In fact, I went past drunk a long time ago and came back to it because I liked it so much. You should try it."   
  
Heero stared at me. Piercing me with his eyes, making my skin burn. "Stop looking at me. It hurts."   
  
Heero made the move to go out the door again. "No. Don't go. That hurts too." He stopped, turned around and shut the door. He made his way over to me and sat down the chair opposite. He didn't look at me, well, my feet, but not me me. My feet must be really fascinating. He looked so solemn, like those stone saints. No expression, just impassiveness.   
  
Tears come to my eyes. "I'm sorry."   
  
"What?"   
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you."   
  
Heero started, but he didn't respond.   
  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I began to sob. "It's just you're so beyond me. You don't come to me. You never did. So I didn't bother. I can't save you. I don't know how. But you need me, right? You've needed me for a really long time, right? You need me, right?"   
  
That was too much for him. Heero got up to leave, but I chased after him. "You can't leave. You can't. I need you." He kept moving, even though I was grabbing him. "I need you damnit! Like nobody else will! I need you, you sick fuck! You dipshit! And you can't even talk to me! WHY WON'T YOU TALK TO ME?"   
  
He stopped and turned around. I don't know what he was planning to do. Hit me? Yell at me, maybe? Possibly.   
  
But he turned around and I clamped my lips over his. First time I ever kissed a guy. I hit him with such force, the next thing I knew we were on the floor, me on top of him. I bore into his mouth with my tongue, forcing him to open to me. His mouth was soft, untouched. Tracing his mouth with my tongue, I slammed my hips into his, crushing him against the floor. I loved it, I didn't know what I was doing, but I loved it. This feeling of being against him. Inside him. My head swam, and my tongue floundered in his mouth. I need air. I lifted my lips off his, but not my body. Air entered my mouth, forced by my lungs, startlingly cold compared to his warm lips. The air stung my brain, hitting it like a shockwave, and for a moment I saw stars, like I did while up in space.   
  
I rolled off him, still only seeing stars. And quickly, surprising quickly, the stars darkened too, until my whole vision was black. I passed out.   
  
@---%----------------------  
Well, that was a killer to right. I tried to stay in the past tense except for the flash back, but that failed miserably. Writing someone drunk makes me feel like I am too, so my head hurts. Hope you liked it, please review, too, if you can. 


	3. Headaches and Mistakes

All right. Back again.   
Random Bishounen That Lives in My Room: Yeah, after what? One night?  
Quiet. Any ways, knowing me, it's going to take me quite a long time to actually finish and post this chapter. I work on things very slowly, but then sometimes every thing clicks and I write at a million miles an hour. This is turning out to be sexier than originally planned. And now I have to decide if I want to stay in the present or past tense. Arg! I always end up switching between the two! If there are any reviewers this time, tell me which you prefer and help me decide. Or if this is getting to... sexy.   
  
  
  
  
  
Make You Feel  
----------------  
  
  
Christ, is this the second time I've woken up with explosions in my head? It feels like tiny little mobile suits battling it out in my skull. Where's Relena to pacify things when you need her? Mmmm... my mouth tastes funny. Like all the moisture's been drained out and placed in my lower body. Is that why my legs feel like rubber?   
  
I finally open my eyes to the bland, white ceiling. For a second I can't see anything, but then my vision clears, although it's still blurry. That crack in the plaster was there yesterday, wasn't it? Is the rest of this week going to have me going through the same thing every morning? Man, I hope not. My body isn't used to being beaten about any more. I stopped working out. Does my body even have abs any more? My hand drifts down, underneath the covers, finding my stomach. Guess not.   
  
It's around then that I realize I'm totally naked and that Heero is sitting on a chair on the left side of the bed. He stares at me, his face giving away no emotion, but I can see the dark bags under his eyes. Memories from last night suddenly play themselves out in my head. Ah, man. What do I do? Confess, or something? And how did he respond to the kiss?   
  
"What time is it?" I ask.   
  
"Ten in the morning."   
  
Which morning? Yesterday, I woke up around... eleven. Got drunk around twelve. Stayed drinking for several hours, though. When did Heero come home? Shit, I can't remember.   
  
"Have you been over there the whole night?"   
  
"Yes. I removed your clothes because you puked all over them." Was that me, or did that sound a little defensive? But I can hear exhaustion in his voice. Heero's still speaking clearly, it's just too slow, and as if he's deliberately trying to not show he's tired. He'd do that.   
  
"I'm sorry."   
  
"You say that a lot." Heero gets up, slowly, and leaves my little abode. After a few minutes, I can hear him cleaning up in the main room.   
  
I notice a glass of water and an Advil on my bed stand. Thank you God. I swallow the pill and down the entire glass. Been doing that a lot lately. Note to self: do not masturbate five times during the night and get falling down drunk the next day. Ever again. Now, some clothes would be a good idea. Only problem is, I haven't done the laundry for far too long, and my only clean pair of clothes is a dark pair of denim jeans. Good enough. Any underwear? No such luck. Damn. Having my hair down is a pain, and it's already a mass of tangles. I don't have a brush in here, but I can still braid it. There. Now I look like myself.   
  
Trying to mentally prepare myself for Heero, I make a promise to myself to never again make a pass at him. That, and I am determined to understand his feelings for me. And if they don't exist, then I leave. Gone. No more Duo at the crappy three-room apartment. So, that having been stated very clearly in my mind, I waltz out the door.   
  
Heero's cleaning up my mess. Besides the furniture being in disarray, there are beer bottles everywhere and sticky alcohol spilled on the table. I watch Heero for a while, transporting empty beer bottles to the recycling. I don't really know what to say. He's gone all robot again, but he did spend the whole night up with me. He deserves a little sleep.   
  
"Listen, huh, Heero? I'll clean up the place. Go get some sleep or something." I actually scratch my head when I say this.   
  
"Hn." He drops what he's doing and goes into his room. I can hear him strip and plop down on the bed. I refuse to budge until I hear a slight snoring issue from behind the door.   
  
Smiling to myself as I rearrange the furniture into its usual position, I imagine what Heero looks like when he's asleep. The last time I saw that, we were dorm mates at one of those many schools we hung around at. Truth be told, he sleeps with his mouth open and drools, with his limbs spread all over the bed. I grab a sponge from the sink and wet down the coffee table at a meager attempt to get rid of the dark stains, only to no avail. Maybe I should by a new one.   
  
The phone suddenly rings, driving back me into reality. A groan sounds from Heero's room and I launch towards the phone before it can ring again and wake him up. "Hello?"   
  
"Duo? It's Relena. Are you okay?"   
  
"Relena? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?"   
  
"Good. However, you kinda stood me up for coffee last night."   
  
"We had something scheduled? Oh, man. Sorry."   
  
"Is something happening?"   
  
"No. Not at all."   
  
"Duo. I know you. If you don't tell me what's happened I will march on over there and demand an answer."   
  
I smile. I have a personal liking for pushy women. So I tell her all that's happened, leaving out some certain details that I don't think she'd rather hear.   
  
"I'm afraid to say I'm at a lost for words, though I am glad that this happened. A little." Her voice is pleasant and blunt.   
  
"Heh. Only a little?"   
  
"Well, I am worried about you. Heero isn't the easiest person to love, and I don't know if he can respond to it. How long has it been since you've talked to him? Like a real talk?"   
  
"Umm... Too long. You know we don't talk. He just refuses to respond to most of the things I do."   
  
"Are you okay with that?"   
  
"Honestly, no. But I can deal."   
  
"Well, I have a meeting, but I'm glad I got to talk to you. I hope that he will respond to you. Actually, I think he will, if you keep at it. I think you can open him and break that damn shell of his." It sounds like she's trying to convince herself of that.   
  
"Thank you for that vote of confidence."   
  
"Welcome. Get some yourself. Bye."   
  
"Bye." A click and the phone line is dead. Confidence, huh? If Relena thinks I can open him up, maybe I can. Maybe not. But I don't think I can actually leave him. Ever. Despite my statement earlier. This need to be around him, I don't know where it came from, but it isn't going away. So I'll deal. I'm good at dealing.   
  
After I finished cleaning up the apartment, I figured I'd better get my laundry done. And no, I didn't go walk to the laundro mat in just my pants. I did happen to have one clean jacket without a zipper. I got many pleasant stares on my way there.   
  
It was just two blocks down, so it wasn't far, but laundry can get really heavy after two blocks, even more so if your carrying your room mates'. Waiting for the stuff to dry, I pick up a magazine and read the latest news. "Attempted Assassination of Ambassador Relena Darlian" with the sub headline, "And how does the Preventer Association carry out its job? Things you should know about your government." There is a very bad picture of Lady Une and a very miffed Wufei. Figures. Also interesting is that a circus is visiting town, with a clown with a very familiar hairstyle. Well, it'd be nice to see Trowa again. Better stop by when it comes.   
  
The journey home was even harder, it seems clothes fluff up when clean. I didn't bother to put on a shirt, better save that for tomorrow. It took me ten minutes to put all the clothes in order, mine only. It took me another ten minutes to debate on whether or not I wanted to go into Heero's room to pack his clothes away. I did decide the act of replacing his clothes was a sufficient reason to go into his room, but I promised myself that I wouldn't wake him up.   
  
I didn't describe Heero's room before, so here's the picture a little bit late. Once again, the floor is wood, with white walls and ceiling. Heero's is even sparser than mine, a single set of drawers exist beside his bed, serving as both a clothing space and as a bed stand for an electronic clock and a cheap white lamp. The bed is a single (mine's a double) with white sheets and a green quilt. There is a pile of stuff in the corner consisting of a laptop and papers from his work.   
  
Sure enough, Heero's sprawled all over his bed, the sheets nearly falling off. Wearing only his boxers, he's lying on his back, head turned a little bit to the right, with his mouth open. No drool though.   
  
It doesn't take as long as I thought it would to put away his clothes. Much too short. And, you gotta believe me, I was going to leave that room. I swear I was. But just as I was out the door, Heero moaned and turned in his sleep.   
  
The first thing that comes to mind is: "Is he going to have another nightmare?" I stand still and watch for a while. The moaning gets louder, a little more urgent, and he thrashes harder. Oh God, please not another nightmare. Please don't scare me.   
  
What can I do? I don't want to wake him up, I'm afraid he'll be mad at me for being in his room. The first week I moved in, he ended up nearly hitting me for doing just that. Then why didn't he do that for the shower incident?   
  
But the moaning gets louder, and I go over to him. Heero's face is crinkled up, in something like a grimace of pain and fear. I'm so sorry Heero. I'm sorry.   
  
I place a hand on his bare chest, gently stroking him. His body is hot and smooth, covered with a thin film of sweat. Slowly, he clams down, and the thrashing stops. The grimace fades from his face, until it's serene, peaceful. The moaning refuses to end though, and it becomes little whimpers from that tiny mouth. He slowly licks his lips. I can see the shining saliva coating his tongue. Those lips. That mouth I kissed. He's beautiful, really. Like an angel. The brown hair is in disarray, as usual, but it softens his face.   
  
I slowly bring my hand to his face, touching, just briefly, his cheek, his lips, his hair. The hair is course, untamable, just like the rest of him. But his cheek is baby soft, pure. I brush my lips against his cheek, his eyelids, his ear. Just like a kiss of air. I carefully lick his neck, just where it meets his shoulders, my favorite spot, and taste the salt on my tongue. Like a drug. The essence of Heero. His hair just barely brushes my face.   
  
He moans louder. And I know I should stop. I just don't.   
  
Leaving a trail of kisses down the center of his chest, I rub his left nipple between my fingers. My hands are cold to him, and goose bumps arise from his skin. The nipple hardens immediately to my touch, while the rest of his body warms to me. His breathing quickens as does his heart beat, as does mine. I can sense his reaction in his boxers. Like heat slowly trailing up his body from between his legs, begging me for touching or kissing or more.   
  
After a pause and a gulp, I slide a cold hand into his shorts. He gasps, arching his back. "Duo," he moans.   
  
Duo?   
  
My hand retreats from what it should not have been doing. I draw back, ready to flee from the room. This can't be happening. This isn't real. I wouldn't do this to my friend. My friend wouldn't call out my name. My bodily reaction to this is all wrong. This is wrong. This is disgusting. I shouldn't be enjoying this.   
  
Heero whimpers, from the sudden shock of loss of touch, begging for more. Ah, God.   
  
He's asleep. He doesn't have to know. He can think this is some sort of wet dream. That's okay. He doesn't have to know.   
  
I return to the bed, kneeling beside it. I've never done this before, to someone else. I'm not sure how I should go about it. Just do what feels right, judge by how he reacts. I can do this.   
  
I place the palm of my hand against his chest. Heero's body shudders with sudden anticipation. A smile forms on his face. Yes this is what he wants. This is what I want.   
  
My hand slowly moves down his chest, memorizing all it touches. The warmth, the feel, the texture, the sweat. Reaching the elastic of the black boxers, I stop one last time. And carefully, slip my hand under them, to meet Heero's throbbing organ. He leaps to my hand, wonderful and large. I stroke his entire length with my thumb, ending at the pleasure sensitive tip. He groans my name one more time. I look at him, my heart pounding. This is all I can do for you now, but someday I swear I'll make love to you for real.   
  
I wrap my arms around him, and his hips jerk forward. I slowly begin to pump, and speed up with time. He groans again and again, his hips in time with my movements. His body writhes under waves of pleasure, seeking release.   
  
Seeing him there, like that, under my guidance, was enough to make my head loose its focus for a second. My body knows what to do however, so Heero doesn't notice.   
  
And suddenly, he jerks forward with such ferocity that I almost miss the spasm in my hands. He comes crying my name, arching his back, with me beside him. I feel the wetness in my hand as he falls back into the bed. I can't bring my hand back from his heat, even though he's now limp. The warmth is almost like a drug to me, making me dizzy.   
  
As he lies back into his bed, I feel no regret, except that I wished we could have done this while he was awake. And done more. Much more.   
  
A satisfied smile dances across his lips as his face relaxes.   
  
But then, droopy, heavy eyelids rise to uncover blue eyes, staring drowsily at me.   
  
  
  
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Mmmm.... i need to change this to NC-17, right? 


End file.
